The Flirting Course You've Never Had

I've gotten many to understand that direct opening doesn't work and is a hindrance to their game. The question that comes after is, what do I do then? What works as far as showing "intent"? The answer is: learn how to flirt. Once you hit the social hook point, which is when she would rather stay and chat than leave, is when you should start flirting. My daygame mentor would remind everyone he taught that he opens indirectly, but he has "direct game", meaning he actively flirts with the girl in an increasing manner throughout the interaction. Most guys who do direct say a "man-to-woman" style statement in the beginning of the set, and NEVER repeat anything like it for the rest of the time. It is certainly like us men to think that we can say we thought the girl we're talking to is cute upfront and never mention it again. Get it out of the way, right? The problem is, that doesn't work. It's not enough. Even if you opened direct, you must be able to consistently flirt in escalating fashion THROUGHOUT the ENTIRE interaction. Your flirting has to go from light and playful in the beginning to serious and sexual at the end. You can't just tell her "you look good" three or four times; you need a much more diverse and deep progression. My mentor would have at least 3 to 4 go-to flirting lines to use, that increase in strength and denote that a new phase of the interaction has begun. In technical terms, a flirt is a compliment plus a tease, aka push-pull. He did not layer his statements this way but it is a good idea to do so. Let's give some examples of flirting structures to follow and the situations where they can be used:

Flirt 1: you ask and she tells you where she's from early on, ex. Minnesota. (Sigh loudly) "Minnesota girls...if you all weren't so miraculously attractive, I would definitely run away now. Maybe I should while I still have a chance!" Pay attention to the push-pull structure, as teasing and complimenting balance each other out so neither is overpowering.

Flirt 2: you find out where she's coming from (work/home/school, etc.) and ask playfully, "ok, did that, so now you're just walking/sitting/standing around, looking for handsome, fun guys to talk to...it's ok to be on the prowl, we all do sometimes." Notice how I "flip the script": she's on the prowl, not me. You can also drop other lines that play into this narrative. Also, pay attention that it isn't a compliment, it's a cocky-funny line. Cocky-funny lines are great for creating a "man-to-woman" vibe by putting social pressure on you instead of her.

Flirt 3: this should be at a later stage, well into the set unfolding. Take a non-physical characteristic of hers that you like and tell her how sexy you think it is. For example, if she is a lawyer and actually likes her job, is one of the best in her firm, "I know way too many lawyers who are depressed and depressing, you guys are the ultimate party-poopers. But, the fact that you enjoy such an important role and are good at it ... is a very sexy, appealing breath of fresh air. Yeah, I said it...sue me! (the end in playful tone)". Note the push-pull structure again. Get used to using it.

Flirt 4: this is going to be a specific, sexual, physical comment that you make about her. Again, this is a late-stage flirt. For instance, let's say you have your arms wrapped around her on the instant date, and you are a fan of her ass, "I don't know what kind of magic you're working... I'm not usually like this, but your ass is so round and perfect, I would love to run my hands over it. I almost want to turn you around right here...". Pay attention to me "flipping the script" again , and continuing in the vein of I haven't seduced her, she's seducing me.

You can also start the interaction with a cocky-funny line and make the first line second, or switch the fourth with the third if you think the situation calls for it. Trial and error experimenting is the only way to learn. Compliments tend to be easy for many guys to learn but remember to put a little twist on what you say. The flat "you're cute" stuff is boring, even for a first flirt. Teasing tends to be much tougher to grasp in the beginning, so play around with it. It has been said that any teases women have used on you before should be adapted and used in future sets. I second that. If you can remember any teasing lines that you've ever been hit with, even before you started game, write them all down on a piece of paper and experiment with them.

What every guy reading this should do is get a transcript of one interaction you've had recently and find all of the spaces where you could have inserted a flirt. Use the ones that I provided as a template and structure and create your own, based on your personality and how you would say these things. It is possible to come up with a flirty line off of any information she gives you such as her name, her hometown, where she lives now, what she does for work, her hobbies, her pet peeves, her favorite music, and so on. Keep in mind as well that you want a well-rounded arsenal to handle all of these areas, not just straight-forward compliments. Full flirts, teases, compliments, cocky-funny, flipping the script should all be in your tool bag.

In light of all of this, remember that flirting is the seasoning and flavoring of your conversation. It is possible to overdo or underdo flirting, so having solid conversations in the first place and finding out by trial and error the right amount to add in is key. I have found that at the minimum 3 to 4 times with proper physical escalation works well, but see what you find.