Opening Direct Keeps You A Beginner

Look, you and I are kindred spirits.

Like you do now, I used to open direct, telling every girl she's so cute that I had to meet her.

And like you're starting to realize, I realized there's something wrong with what I'm saying, I need to change this.

Here are 4 reasons why direct opening keeps you at a beginner level, and what to replace it with.

Direct opening is easily the most popular way to open in the community. Because of the ease of using it, guys fall in love with it.

There's nothing wrong with that if you're a beginner, but since you're looking to get past being a beginner, you must learn something else.

First off, let's address "the elephant in the room".

You understand how time-consuming and effortful cold approach can be because you've been doing it, unlike others who research and never try.

I commend you, BUT...

The work load has drained a bit of the creative spirit, and you want to just repeat the same shit without thinking about it.

I need you to snap out of it.

Dynamic opening requires you to think on the fly, to get creative, to flex your mental muscle. If you ain't willing to learn how to do this, then you can hack around as a beginner (post picture of Hacker from Mastery), or quit, because your results will just get worse and worse.

Your openers can follow the same patterns for similar situations, but there's no freebies. You can't mindlessly repeat the same opener endlessly and expect good results.

Now that we got that outta the way, let's look over the average approach to see if we can't recognize some patterns to avoid.

The average approach is this: walk up, call her cute, talk about anything and everything with no system or structure to follow, and get a contact.

Does this sound like a recipe for success to you?

I repeat: this is the EXACT SAME "process" (if you want to call it that) that the majority of approachers uses, including me, at one point.

This shitty "system" is responsible for more frustration, more flakes, more guys quitting, more saying "cold approach doesn't work" than anything else in the community.

However, the phrase "a broken clock is still right twice a day" fits here. Or maybe, it should be once a day, in this case. There is ONE circumstance where this actually turns out decent results. We'll talk about this later.

Time to dive into the deeper reasons why direct opening keeps you a beginner.

#1: over-validating + not flirting

Girls take the MOST amount of validation for the LEAST amount of risk in all social situations, especially cold approach ones.

This means that you smothering her with compliments on how beautiful she is does NOT motivate her to keep talking to you. It motivates her to take the compliment and go, not risking anything going wrong.

Why should she even think about talking to a stranger when she can just take the compliment and go home? No awkward moments, no embarrassing comments, no need to rationalize what she's doing.

In addition to this, we need to make another thing clear: complimenting is not flirting.

A flirty line is essentially a compliment + a tease, and in some cases, just a tease. You giving her your opening compliment does not help you in any way here, it mostly serves to shoot you in the foot. It would be better for you to either tack a tease on before or after your compliment, or replace it by a more ambiguous statement (the better option).

What's more, you'll need, not only more compliments as time goes on, but stronger ones because of the way the set should be developing. It becomes all too easy to overdo it, all because you started with a compliment. We'll speak on this again later.

#2: she's making a decision against you

The essence of all direct openers is this, "I like you, though I know nothing about you. Do you like me, even though you know nothing about me?"

Whenever you open direct, you're forcing her to make an on-the-spot, split second decision about whether she wants you or not. Because she knows nothing about you, 99% of the time, the answer will be NO. Maybe not as harsh as that, but no just the same.

The funny thing is that if you gave her some time to know you, and displayed your personality in a way that got her engaged for a few minutes, if you then asked her explicitly whether she likes you or not, she'd probably say YES!

By forcing the issue too soon, you ruin a lot of chances with girls who would otherwise be all in for you, just because of laziness and impatience.

#3: you give the set no chance to improve

If you tell the truth to yourself, and about your results, you'll recognize a pattern. All of the dates and sex that you've gotten from cold approach have been in interactions that FELT LIKE they were getting better and more intriguing over time.

Not in leaps and bounds, but a subtle creep or climb toward the good.

Conversely, all of the flakes and dates and hookups that fell off kept feeling like they were getting worse and worse until they finally petered out.

You want all of your sets to follow this trajectory. Start low, end on a high note.

Your sets must always feel like they're getting better.

Opening direct KILLS this gradual upward slope. Your compliment is cute, but it's too strong to start with. You're going to have to maintain that level of engagement for the ENTIRE set. Because it's usually used by guys who couldn't flirt to save their lives, if your opener is the most interesting thing you said in the 10 minutes you've been talking to her for, how do you feel the set is going and can you predict where it will end up???

Even if you knew how to flirt, it's always best to start at the lowest point possible, something normal that will get her attention enough to work towards a conversation. You want to make everything that comes after feel like it's creating an increasingly great set. The lower you start, the better the chance of everything feeling like an improvement.

So, after covering the reasons why to avoid direct opening, I'll name the only scenario in which they work well. Have you ever been in a time crunch, running to make that train or bus, yet you spot a girl that you'd love to meet? Do you ever get stumped on what to say, because it'll have to be quick but quality enough to make a lasting impression?

This, my friend, is when a direct opener works to your advantage. You open with something strong, and because you're only staying for a minute or two, you end up starting and leaving on a high note.

It's time for the good stuff.

Now, we can talk about HOW BEST to open.

For simplicity's sake, let's cut environments into 2 categories: social and non-social.

Social environments are bars, clubs, parties, or anything resembling these, anywhere that encourages socializing with others you don't know, regardless of whether the sun is up or down.

Non-social environments are places that people go to do anything else BUT socialize, and especially not with strangers. Bus stops, cafés, train stations, bookstores, the street...anywhere where people do not usually socialize.

In social environments, because talking to others is encouraged, a clever neutral (ambiguous compliment) or situational (something about her or the environment that's relevant) opener will do the trick.

Noticing something about her and commenting on it works well (ie. "Nice glasses...reminds me of something my grandma wore...") or "you have an interesting look". You can also point out something about her group of girls (ie. "you guys look like you're having the best time ever" when they clearly look bored and lost) or "who's copying who?" when they're dressed alike. You can even just approach with "hey, what's up", assuming friendliness because it's a friendly, social environment.

In non-social environments, it can take more tact and patience to reach a conversation because no one in those spaces is looking to talk to a stranger. This is where indirect opening comes into play. Asking for direction, advice, help, or an opinion can provide the runway you need to wind up having a conversation. One of my favorite openers is "what would you suggest that's fun for a handsome guy on a budget with 30 minutes to spare?" Also, contrary to popular opinion, starting indirect doesn't always have to be a slow play. If you sense from her body language and vocal tone that she's interested, you can skip a lot of the formalities and start flirting quickly. This comes with experience and being able to read women well.

You can also use neutral and, especially, situational openers in non-social contexts. If you see a girl grocery shopping, thinking hard over a purchase, you can say "don't think too hard...it's only the fate of the entire dinner party that rests in your hands..." or if you're waiting for the train for a long time and spot a girl, you can jokingly ask her "quick question: you think if I run to the city, top speed, no breaks unless I pass out, would I get there faster than this train?" Situational openers beat out other types, in terms of spontaneity and relevance, so make good use of them in both social and non-social contexts. They do require thinking ahead, recognizing patterns, and trial and error, but "the juice is worth the squeeze".

To sum this all up, don't be like every other guy approaching who gives in to laziness and convention. Laziness in thinking and action eventually leads to diminished results. Save your direct opening for moments when you're pressed for time, and use situational, neutral, or indirect (when necessary) for everything else.