Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I was out a couple months ago with a friend of mine who had not had much experience in the way of cold approach. Surprisingly, we were able to somewhat keep set together, despite his "green-ness". There was one time where, I had stopped a foreign girl walking with her mother in a rush; after the set was over, he proceeded to say that he thought the girl was not interested because she seemed as if she was moving quickly to get out of the conversation. I thought this very interesting, seeing as how the girl spent more time than necessary talking, all the while making her mother wait for the conversation to end. Later on that week, I gave my friend a helpful talk about focus and identity (similar to the Identity Crisis post that I've written previously- check that out). The short of the long is that the hallmark of a beginner is how he looks everywhere and sees girls not liking him, girls not finding him attractive, girls not willing to talk to him. As a man gets better with women skill-wise, however, he is more apt to view failed interactions as technical slip-ups and mechanical errors. The more advanced guy tends to remove his confusion from the equation and assume that all women he talks to are attracted to him, or would be attracted to him, should he execute on task correctly, while beginners blame rejections on personal shortcomings.

In rolling back to the original point, I told my friend that the biggest change he could make for success with women is a mental upgrade. He needed to completely revamp what he thought about women and what he thought women thought about him before he would be able to conquer his poor dating past and carve out a new future. I gave him this advice, "until a woman tells you in a serious tone to go away or walks away from you herself, assume that she is attracted to you and continue the interaction." The two above circumstances, though actually still containing leeway in and of themselves, are great rules of thumb to follow for guys who are prone to count themselves out and see everything a woman does or says as a reason to not talk to her. These parameters will allow you to change and expand your focus, and open doors to a different dating world you never previously thought possible.