Opening Direct is In-Authentic

Direct opening is often referred to as being the "most authentic way" to start an interaction, being that many guys find it like laying your intentions on the line and seeing what happens.

The essence of all direct openers, however, is embellishment, exaggeration of true possible intentions. Every direct opener sub-communicates this: "Even though I don't know a thing about you, I like you. Do you like me as well, while knowing nothing about me?"

You can see exactly why most direct opens end in a girl saying some form of "thanks, but no thanks!" How can she make a split-second, confident decision for a guy she knows nothing about? Being that men are more visually-led in mate selection than women are (women go for character traits and personality), OF COURSE she's going to say no. She has TOO SMALL A SAMPLE of your personality to say yes on.

That being said, let's focus on the authenticity claim. If you know nothing about a girl, besides the fact that she looks good, it's DISINGENUOUS to tell her you like her. YOU ALSO know NOTHING about her, how can you confess to liking someone you have NO INFORMATION on?!

A more accurate opener would reflect this: "You're drawing me in with the way you look, but I wonder if who you are below the cuteness is equally as appealing?"

Unfortunately for guys who wear their hearts on their sleeves when opening, a precise line like this absolutely should NOT be used off the bat. The vast, vast majority of girls will not bite on the idea of qualifying themselves to a guy by force. This investment is earned conversationally.

You may have the idea "but if she just needs to witness more of my personality, I can just fill in the gaps later on after I've said my opener".

The problem here is, you've already prompted her to say NO to you. You've already invited her to reject you BEFORE you got anything started. It's more likely that even after you display more of your personality she will still say no to you, because you've gotten her used to the idea of saying no to you. This is a similar concept to the "yes or no ladder" in sales and persuasion. If it's easiest to say NO to you because you've waved her in that direction conversationally, getting a yes is almost out of the question.

In addition, because most guys do NOT know what flirting is and how it works, the most spicy, engaging thing they say in the entire conversation IS THEIR OPENER. When they start talking about puppies, horoscopes, and tacos (without knowing how to make doing so flirty), the set feels like it's getting worse and they close on a low note. Closing (or escalating/leading) when the set hits a low note is a surefire way to get flaked on or rejected.

This is why THE ONLY TIME you should EVER work direct openers is for VERY SHORT SETS that you hop in and out of. You should NOT let these linger and get cold, then close when it's cold. You would close on a high note, SOON AFTER OPENING.

The best option is ALWAYS opening on the lowest note that you can while still commanding attention and having flirting embedded in the conversation, building up from light and jokey to serious and sexual as it progresses. Learning how to add in cocky-funny lines, mixed signals lines, qualifying statements and questions, takeaways, tension loops, and any other goodies is your BEST BET at adding intent to your set. Not giving her a reason to immediately reject you.

Sucks though, you can barely find any of this information talked about, much less demonstrated. Man Alive has you covered here. We're one of the only cold approach resources that has somewhat of a handle of it (we're still learning too!). Come check out our blog posts, products, and courses designed to lead you in the right direction: towards getting so good that girls hound you. Email us at manaliveapproach@gmail.com to learn more.