How To Learn, And How It Gets You Girls

The cold approach community suffers from the same disease that the rest of modern society does: not understanding how to learn.

Modern society is heavily influenced by academia, which teaches that 1) mistakes are the devil, 2) if you make a mistake, you are a loser, 3) you learn by stuffing your head with a bunch of theory minus the application and testing, 4) if you don't get something right the 1st or 2nd time, you should quit and find something else to do.

This destructive, yet replaceable mentality stems from the necessity of the school system to create malleable, efficient workers who do what they are told because they are too afraid, too wired for survival and fitting in by all means possible, to do otherwise.

This type of mindset continually perpetuated creates an entire world full of people who never achieve much in their lives because they don't understand that learning, and therefore succeeding, is experiential. It takes doing, doing, doing something the wrong way, every wrong way in the book, before you finally start to get it right.

Maybe, you'll say "but that's what learning from other peoples' mistakes is for...", not understanding that, barring activities with very serious consequences (like drinking and driving), others' experiences are tangential at best. None of the advice you receive is meant to eliminate THE NEED FOR YOU TO MAKE YOUR OWN MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM, just to slightly shorten the curve of mistakes to be made on your own path.

There's a great short story in Chapter 2 of Robert Kiyosaki's first book, If You Want To Be Rich And Happy, Don't Go To School, where he ends up running into an old classmate of his from years passed, they talk about what's transpired in their lives, with Robert explaining that he's now financially free while his classmate is barely treading water in his financial life. His classmate asks him how he did this, since he wasn't known as the brightest student in the class and wasn't expected to succeed at anything. Robert agrees to break it down for him, but only if he can ask his classmates' children a few questions that would bring certain things to light. The classmate agreed, they set a date, and reconvened.

When Robert shows up again, he asks the man's 14-year old daughter about a test she recently took. She gladly relays to him that she received an 85 on the test. 85 questions correct. He then asks her about the 15 questions she got wrong, to which she replied that she doesn't know anything about them and isn't concerned with those.

He makes his first point, "the education system makes being right more important than learning what you don't know".

Continuing in his words, "It rewards right answers and penalizes mistakes. But, what's really important are the wrong answers- so students can learn from their mistakes and correct. Mistakes are much more important than right answers."

His classmate still a bit bewildered, he continues to explain that students in the regular school system are conditioned to believe mistakes are bad; however, in real-life learning, mistakes are a crucial part of the path (most of the path, really).

He gives the example of learning how to ride a bike which we're all familiar with. You fall off the thing an endless number of times until you finally can balance, petal, and steer simultaneously. This little skill expansion is not just an opening of our adolescent world, but it's a mental primer for the courage, confidence, grit, and determination needed to repeat this process throughout the areas of our lives.

Kiyosaki continues that the fear of being wrong and the need to be right are what covers school days like a dark cloud. The lives of the greatest achievers in human history were filled with mistakes, which were used by these greats to make even more mistakes, eventually allowing them to break new ground and expand possibilities for themselves and others around them once they had learned what those mistakes meant.

Two last quotes from the book: 1) "our education system would teach riding a bicycle by lecturing on the subject for 50 hours, giving a written test, and then punishing the student for falling off! It leaves students just at that point where they need to figure out what they don't know so they can correct the mistake and learn from it."

2) "what I found is that avoiding mistakes made me stupid and that having to be right made me obsolete. It was only after I discovered that I learned more from mistakes that I began to perfect the art of making more mistakes faster. Now, instead of mistakes, I call them "learning experiences" or "taps on the shoulder" because I feel they are messages telling me I don't know something that I need to find out."

The story goes on, but the essence of it remains distilled in what was already shared.

How exactly does this relate to getting girls? If you're observant, you can see where the theme is headed, but for those less so, I'll spell it out for you. YOU WILL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN COLD APPROACH ATTEMPTING TO SIT AROUND AND DIGEST MATERIAL WITHOUT MAKING YOUR FAIR SHARE OF BOTCHED APPROACHES. YOU MUST MAKE ENOUGH BAD APPROACHES OVER A LONG ENOUGH PERIOD OF TIME FOR YOU TO LEARN ANYTHING FROM.

The process looks like this: bad approach, bad approach, bad approach, bad approach x 50, decent approach (celebrate it and think on what was different about it), more bad approaches x50 (the number is arbitrary...however many it takes is how many it takes), another decent approach that you reflect on, more bad approaches, finally a good one that goes smoothly (so you think over it and extract the pieces you think made it good, and go and test those theories by making more bad approaches until the theories are confirmed correct or incorrect).

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY BESIDES THIS WAY.

DO NOT TRY TO CREATE ANOTHER WAY, BECAUSE THERE IS NONE.

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET GOOD AT THIS STUFF.

All of the guys asking questions like "how can I approach without being weird/creepy/strange?" or "how can I learn to approach without playing a massive numbers game in the beginning?" are MISSING THE POINT.

THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO LEARN BESIDES MAKING ENOUGH APPROACHING MISTAKES CONSISTENTLY OVER A PERIOD OF TIME, EXPLORING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AFTER A LONG ENOUGH TRIAL SET, AND CONTINUING TO TEST YOUR THEORIES ON WHAT YOU THINK MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT WORK.

Not only is this cold approach, but this is LIFE.

If you desire to get good at anything (business, badminton, coding, basketball, competitive eating, relationships, and everything in between), get very familiar with this process because it's the only game in town.

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PPS. Feel free to check out the rest of my material on my site and Youtube https://youtube.com/@manaliveexper?si=dizLEqCXSBWrZ4ms as well.