How To Do Your First Approach, Pt. 1,2&3

There are 2 parts to every approach: having something to say to start the conversation and getting yourself in front of the girl/girls.

Conversation starters are what we call "openers". What you say to open will vary based on the context of the approach.

There are 4 types of openers to use:

1. Indirect: asking for advice, direction, opinions, or help figuring something out. Ex. "Do you know a good pizzeria around here?"

2. Situational: pointing out something in the environment that both of you witness or experience, including something she is doing or has on. Ex. You and her are in a subway tunnel where a drunk guy is dancing. You make bewildered eye contact with her, she laughs, you make a joke about it, "Did happy hour start already? Why didn't anyone tell us??" and start talking.

3. Direct: telling her you like her or something about her upfront. Ex. "You're easily the most radiant woman I've seen all day..."

4. Neutral/Intrigue: also can be directed at her, but is more ambiguous and murky in meaning. Ex. "You have an interesting look..."

Put Yourself In Front of Her

Take a look and reflect on the situations where you see the most women you would like to approach, and devise a opener and a method that gives you a chance to use it. By experience, most guys see girls either walking around or sitting down somewhere, so that's what we'll use as a template.

If she's walking, you can stop her in front of you (a slow, gradual stop, getting her attention AS SOON as you see you'd like to meet her, she should be 2 to 3 feet in front of you), you can side stop her (2 options here: either Justin Wayne style where you're walking nearly shoulder to shoulder with her, tap her nearest shoulder with your far hand, point in the opposite direction of where she's walking with your other hand and talk as usual, OR walk slightly ahead of her when you open and start talking, as she engages then you slow your walk and eventually stop with her doing the same). You can just walk and talk with her but that can feel intrusive if done at the wrong time, so beginners should stick to those two.

If she's sitting somewhere, you can either walk straight up to her or play it off like you're walking past and then double back.

A rule for opening is that you want to seem as natural and un-contrived as possible, so it's best to choose your opener and method of approach to aid this.

Social VS Non-Social Environments

Social	Non-Social
Lounges	Bookstore
Clubs	Cafe
Parties	Street
Bars	Public transport
	Stores

It's best to take a friendly, "assuming familiarity" approach in social places, because socializing is the norm there, Neutral-intrigue or situational openers work best under these conditions. In non-social places, you'll need to ease into socializing more because people are not there to talk to or meet other people. Indirect is very useful for doing exactly that ;however, you can also make neutral-intrigue or situational openers work here too.

Pt. 2: How To Make Indirect Work

The main use of indirect openers is to "warm" girls up for conversation in non-social environments. In social venues, you don't need to take the "scenic route" toward a conversation because it's assumed that people are in these places to socialize with others. However, in all of the non-social areas listed above, people do not frequent any of these places for the purpose of socializing; they go to travel, get work done, shop, and do other things. This means that assuming a conversational stance, though it might work sometimes, is less likely to work.

Indirect openers can be a huge source of trouble for practitioners, because they see no way to enter a conversation after using them and they also fear that girls will give them blowback from trying to chat afterwards. As far as the fear, it is COMPLETELY unfounded. Over time, as you learn how to work your way into conversations, the fear of her "calling you out" for starting a conversation will lessen its' hold on you.

The way to get past an indirect opener is to use it, DROP it IMMEDIATELY, and MOVE ON to personal conversation. You only want to use the opener as something to say to start the interaction; that is the ONLY function for it. There is an analogy I like to use about martial arts that ties well to the "say it and forget it" style of indirect openers, we call it "punching through" your opponent. Trainers implore their fighters to aim at the space behind their target for striking, whether it is on a bag or sparring partner. The reason for this is because if you simply try to touch your opponent or bag, you might end up hitting lightly even when you want to amplify your power. If you aim behind the spot you're trying to touch, you carry much more momentum and power in your shots. Likewise in this scenario, you're saying the opener but you're actually aiming at the conversation BEHIND the opener.

You want to "monkey-branch" and tie the opener to playful inferences (fun, narrative-like guesses) or things that you've quickly noticed about her (ie. accent, pronunciations, personal style). 

All of these statements can be done after opening by asking for a coffee shop (or pizzeria in the last example).

Ex. 1. "You look like a walking encyclopedia, you know the whole city perfectly...and then forget how to spell your own name..."

Ex. 2. "I hear that French accent! What part are you from?"

Ex. 3. "I have a feeling you're a human map...and also have the feeling you get lost going home on the same route, every day..."

Ex. 4. "You look like the most anti-coffee coffee shop girl..."

Ex. 5. "If a pizzeria were a person, it would almost look like you...minus the cheese...but wouldn't be surprised if you were cheesy sometimes..."

Notice how in most of these examples, I'm getting into teasing her, playfully, in order to give the conversation a more personal feel. Even though you must first warm her up to talking in non-social arenas, you do want to get to a point of assuming friendliness as soon as you possibly can, and playfully teasing her builds the feeling of friendliness.

Pt. 3, When Exactly to Use Direct Openers

It is no surprise that direct openers are the most popular, go-to opener in the cold approach community, and for good reason. They are much easier to use in the grand scheme of things, take less skill to pull off, and makes guys feel they're making clear to the girl why they're talking to her.

However, direct openers should only be used when these 3 scenarios align:

1) unique, not generic compliments

ex. You're the picture of radiance in a skirt and heels..."

2) compliments tied to a playful tease

continuing ex., let's say she's a lawyer with a strangely colored file folder under her arm, "also with that funny-looking file folder, it would have to come with Photoshop too..."

3) in very brief, short time-frame interactions

ie. you've got an extra 3 minutes before you catch the bus to work, so you'll approach, try to set something up, and get her number as quickly as possible

DON'T make it a HABIT. Find either indirect, neutral-intrigue, or situational openers to use.

Direct openers damage your interactions in the following ways:

1) they are supplicative and are not a substitute for being able to properly flirt at the right times

2) forcing women to make a split-second decision about you without having any information to do so

3) ruining the "it just happened" factor: from spontaneous conversation to possible romance

4) too strong and unsustainable of a note to start on (you ALWAYS want your openers to be as mellow, relaxed, and low-energy as you can muster while still getting her attention)