How to Brainwash Yourself to Make Approaching Work for You

In order to get the results you really want out of cold approach, you must train and adapt your mind to aid you in the process.

Part of the reason most guys do not complete the journey is because their minds run rampant: talking them out of opportunities, blocking their ability to learn and process what's going on, having them buy into negative beliefs and imaginings.

If you look closely, all of the previously mentioned problems are belief-system based.

Let's explore what we know to be true about beliefs so that we can understand how to apply that in this arena.

As human beings, we use beliefs to shortcut thinking when faced with similar or repeat situations in life. They allow us to make sense of the world and what goes on within it.

For example, someone who is a social butterfly might believe "I love talking to people and learning new things. People love talking to me. My life is enriched when I spend time conversing with others."

Since we get our general beliefs about life from our early caregivers, it makes sense that in many cases the belief in something being a certain way comes before we see the tangible, physical evidence of it. It isn't, however, a hard and fast rule, as it is possible to have a weak belief or no belief about something, be confronted with an experience, and then adopt the belief that this experience imparts to you.

Relating it back to cold approach, let's say you have a belief that women do not like you. "I'm just not naturally attractive enough to get the girls I really want." Whether that belief was created on its own first or stemmed from a perceived negative interaction doesn't matter, that very belief will color all of your interactions with women from the time it is adopted up until you're able to destroy it and replace it with something else.

Let me put this another way that might be more impactful. There will be women you interact with who actually do like you, whether it's your charm, looks, personality, etc., that get them interested. Unfortunately, your belief that you are not naturally attractive to the girls you like will prevent you from seeing that they like you. It will erase all tangible traces of attraction in your mind.

In addition to this, your belief informs you to act in ways that mirror it and make it stronger. If you believe that women just aren't attracted to you no matter what you do, YOU WILL ACT LIKE IT. You will come across as a helpless loser, automatically, without giving a whole lot of thought to it. You'll completely gloss over the possibility of having made technical errors that caused this outcome and label it as "women just not naturally liking you". This builds a self-fulfilling loop, or vicious cycle; you believe something to be true, you seek and find only evidence that supports this belief, this belief then has you present yourself in a certain way, the way you think, feel, and act then influences how you relate to the outside world which strengthens this belief, and so on.

There is a silver lining to this cloud. The way to change beliefs is to edit and/or replace the thought and to look for/find tangible evidence that supports this new thought. Even if you have believed for years that women have hated you, by altering that thought to something more positive and deliberately looking for evidence why it is true, eventually the old gives way to the new.

Now that we have the explanation out of the way, let's explore some positive, empowering affirmations we can use to replace our old negative beliefs.

1) "I am good-looking enough to get the girls I really want." - Most men think that women view men as men view women. As men, we make our sexual choices based mostly on looks and beauty, because we think that this lends to the health and survival of our offspring. Unbeknownst to many of us, women choose men based mostly on the intangibles (positive and forward-looking demeanor, being respected and celebrated by his social connections, using whatever tangible and intangible assets to the best of his ability, character, drive, willpower, self-confidence and readiness to bet on yourself, mental and physical discipline, poise and calmness under pressure, willingness to tell the truth even when it stings, and many more traits). Looks matter as far as style and grooming go. Anything beyond those is a bonus.

2) "I have enough money to get the girls I really want."- As stated before, women look deeper than men do when it comes to partner characteristics. What money displays about a man is his resourcefulness and how well he uses what he has in his grasp to create a great life. All you need is to be able to take care of yourself (unless you've made a vow of poverty).

3)"If a woman has a brain that she uses, then she likes me."- ALWAYS assume attraction until she tells you "get lost!" or up and leaves herself, and EVEN THEN you should be looking for technical details why the set failed in the aftermath. This makes for another good affirmation so repeat after me, "If there was a next time, I can make that set work." Why is this the case? The first reason is that you will never actually be able to know whether it was you personally who turned her off or something you did or said technically that caused the disconnect (there might be no difference between those two either, since the current "you" is still a work in progress). There's no accurate way to tell, which feeds into the second reason: it's the only helpful interpretation of the circumstance. You can't learn anything from a set where "she just didn't like me". Maybe there's a school of thought that says you can learn to take rejection like a man in believing that she just didn't like you. You can also do that viewing your mistake as technical, and that you will never ace every set 100%, even with the girls you do hook up with. You'll always do something wrong that you can change for next time, even if it didn't affect the outcome of the set in that case.

4) "I have the patience and perseverance to master this art."- Cold approach requires a solid enough effort over a long enough period of time to yield fruit. Trying to rush the process and cram approaches in will only HURT you.

5) "I truly love approaching and I'm here for the long haul."- Appreciating approaching allows you to appreciate the process more and facilitates your learning. Being in it for the journey guarantees that you'll learn more, deeper, and faster than anyone seeking results to impress their friends.

6) "I always learn from my mistakes quickly and completely."- You want to prime your brain to extract the lessons from your attempts as soon as they can be found and to the fullest extent possible.

An additional method of mental training involves visualizing things going your way, and visualizing failure being no big deal. Even if you have no idea what a successful set looks like step-by-step, you can still immersively visualize the girls you want being into you and enjoying being with you. Close your eyes and relax back into a comfortable chair, on the floor, or wherever you see fit. See in as vivid detail as possible a scene where you're spending time with a girl that you really like who is clearly into you.

Let a whiff of her perfume tickle you, feel her touch on your arm, hear her laughter in response to a joke or story you told. What does it feel like to lightly graze her face with your fingertips? Can you feel the heat from her lips as she whispers into your ear? As she wraps her arms around you, almost sitting in your lap, what does it feel like to embrace her in one arm and caress her with the other? It doesn't matter if it's in a public or private space, clothes on or clothes off in your imaginings, just take note of and fill in all the sensory details and experiences. Let it make itself real to you. Being able to see and feel yourself succeed is a huge part of actually making it happen.

On the flip side, imagine walking up to a girl and having it go terribly. The detail on the wrong things you said and did aren't important; what IS important is seeing yourself laugh heartily and have a good time before you bid her farewell. In this case, you're training yourself to be amused and joyful with things not going your way. If you can train yourself to enjoy both "good" and "bad" sets (quite subjective terms), you remove your dependence and attachment to things working out the way you want them to, which ironically makes it more likely they will go your way.

Start small in both cases for affirmation and visualization. Resist the urge to do so much that it feels like a burden. A very little practice with both on a consistent, routine basis makes all the difference.

Your mind has the first and final say in your success. Use it properly, feed it the right directives, and watch how far you go.