Best Flirt Course Ever, Pt. 1

A couple of months back, I had posted The Flirting Course You've Never Had as a tandem response to the work that I've done on why going direct is a bad idea in every situation except one, and the right way to "show intent" is to properly flirt. The run-through that I previously whipped up was terribly lackluster compared to what I've been developing and discovering and I wanted to bring these findings to light. Flirting is actually a very challenging process to learn, one of the absolute toughest in cold approach, and requires lots of trial and error to finally get it right. But let's recap: what is flirting, what are its' components, and how do they work?

Although it's hard to come up with an adequate definition, we might be able to say that flirting is the possibility of a romantic, sexual spark devoid of guarantee. It is the whetting of the appetite of sexual possibility without mentioning anything of fulfillment. It is teasing what COULD happen between you and a woman, not what WILL.

"A balance sheet is very much like a bikini bathing suit. What it reveals is interesting, what it conceals is vital".- Abraham Briloff

In flirting, you're giving some information, some interest, some validation, without giving it all away. If you are flirting properly, she senses some interest from you, but she isn't sure whether you find her merely interesting, or sexually and romantically suitable in any degree.

The uncertainty of where she stands with you is what creates sexual tension. Remember this point. This feeling of "does he like me LIKE THAT?", "am I enough for him in THAT WAY?" is what spurs women to qualify themselves to you, to desire to prove themselves woman enough for you, to CHASE you.

"The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction—while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward—the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power—all of which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more."- On the Coquette, Art of Seduction

"Spilling the beans" about outright liking a girl is killing any sexual tension you may have had in a set, not to mention is disingenuous (you have NO idea who she actually is in order to even like her). If you are a beginner who has trouble just expressing sexual intent at all, then lean into doing the above. If you own, embrace, and are proud of being a sexual man, and routinely bring that side out of women, STOP doing the above. It is more helpful for you to show it in glimpses than "all cards on the table" style.

Whether you decide to call it "mixed signals", "push-pull", or good ol' fashioned "flirting", the aim is for you to couch your compliments with teases, and vice versa. Teases can stand alone by themselves at some points, even more so on girls that normally don't get teased (girls that get paid for their looks, or could do so), but compliments, especially generic-style ones focusing on looks, should be grouped together with a tease to give a more ambiguous effect. Lines like "honestly, you're so cute...a little too cute...kind of like a lost puppy..."or "well, I guess (her hometown) has a lot more to look at than just (silly stereotype they're known for)" are giving a playful, jokey dimension to what would be a straightforward compliment.

"Ambiguous compliments" also work well in this regard. Telling a girl she has an "interesting look" or "interesting style" early on, instead of being cute or beautiful, provides the balance needed to teeter the line between complimenting and teasing. It is also possible to build this balance by linking two traits that are polar opposites of each other. Let's say a girl is a karate practitioner and demonstrates her kicking height. You can say "That is weirdest, sexiest thing I've ever seen!", weird because who shows off kicks out in the open (?), and sexy because she can kick ass. As a second example, let's say a girl has memorized the entire periodic table. You can say, "I've never been so smitten yet so afraid for my life!", emphasizing the love of her brains, but fear that she's a psychotic weirdo. A third example we can use is when a girl tells us her hometown. You can say jokingly, "I want to swoon AND run away at the same time...not sure which is stronger...", highlighting the split in your feelings about girls from her hometown. A fourth is let's say a girl has a hobby of raising captured turtles in her basement, you can say "the old animal lady with a young, hot upgrade...unless that's actually a mask!". Here you're waxing positive on her animal husbandry AND calling her attractive but joking that she might actually be an old lady because it's something that old, lonely ladies are known to do.

It is easy to get confused about mixed signals; however, think of it this way: everything she IS, SAYS, or DOES has a positive AND negative connotation. It is your job to playfully point BOTH of these viewpoints out.

You can also use this format to do something very important: praise the qualities you would like her to embody while teasing takeaways on and getting her to qualify that she doesn't subscribe to negative extremes of that same trait. This is called qualification, in technical terms. For example: if she is a girl that goes to the gym, "There's nothing better than a woman who takes care of herself. Strong is definitely sexy...wait, you're not one of those girls that takes ass pics in the mirror every 5 minutes, right? You might need to find another assistant cameraman...". This statement is you checking that she's a girl going to the gym for the right reasons, and not for silly ones. As a second example, let's take a girl who is a PhD in nuclear chemistry, "I love nerds! Most people don't use their brain at all, it's refreshing and exciting to find the opposite. But...I'm assuming you know how to switch it off and relax, right? You're not always alone in your study, naming your walls and books and talking to them?". Here you're praising her intellect while getting her to qualify that she's not a psychopathic social recluse.

What proper flirting also does is set correct contexts that make it easier for you to succeed. This is known to those who have been in the community for some time as "framing". The "frame" specifically refers to the meaning behind what you and the girl you're talking to are thinking, doing and saying. For example, after stopping a girl walking around, you say "so ...you're just walking around looking for handsome, amazing guys to talk to?? Someone up there (gesture to the sky) must really like you, they gave you exactly what you wanted...". In this case, you're interpreting the meaning of seeing her walking around as that she was prowling for guys AND found the man of her dreams.

Let's take another example: a girl asks you where you live, and you say, "Honestly, I'm flattered you want to get right down to business, but how about let's get to know each other here first...". This funny instance is you interpreting her asking where you live as her wanting you to take her home immediately. Notice how both of these examples contain things that WOMEN USUALLY SAY TO MEN, in some form or fashion. Commonly, women accuse men of prowling around desperately for sex, or being too pushy to make sex happen. Good frame-setting involves interpreting everything she says or does as her trying to impress you, her trying to seduce you, her trying hard to have sex with you, her being uncontrollably attracted to you, her being convinced that you're the man of her dreams, and so on.

If ever you are in doubt about what to frame something as, look back at frames women have set on you and draw from them as inspiration.

In Part 2, we'll look at intrigue loops and how baiting and gaining compliance can also be used in your flirt structure.